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Sarah's 2000 Galaxy journal (or, the life and times of a fitness competitor)
(This is an almost day-to-day journal as I was prepping for the competition. As you will see, the rigors of training/dieting can be pretty tough. I did my best to be honest about how I was feeling and what I was going through.) March 16, 2000-April 15, 2000
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Thursday
March 16, 2000 This
morning I got up and did cardio at around 7 am. I did 40 min. total. Left
knee has been hurting more. This
week has been a good training week, felt good to have a break b/c it's
spring break and most of my clients are out of town.
I'm trying not to be too obsessed and to listen to my body.
Yesterday I ran sprints in the evening, and sundays have become
my sprint days. Saturdays
are going to be my non-training days, or just some weight training, no
cardio. Rest days are a
must this time around, i'm not stupid!
I'm also doing tons better with the diet, things seem to be
falling into place. Getting
more comments on my body changing.
When I start to lose bodyfat, I get the comments that I look more
muscular, so that is great! Makes
me feel good! Mom said
yesterday that my legs look more toned and muscular, so that's a good
sign. Abs are slowly
beginning to reappear! Haven't
seen them in a while, missed 'em! I
started taking sublingual creatine about 1 1/2 weeks ago, I think.
I started Metabolic Thyrolean today, we'll see how it works.
I’m skeptical about the supplements… Today
I ate fairly clean, the feelings of deprivation are less, especially
when I focus on my goal and how I want to look.
Makes things fall back into perspective. I feel a lot better about myself now, and that makes a big
difference. Am
waiting to hear back from a man in Abilene who is in charge of the
police department obstacle course training.
He is willing to work with me on the course. I
am finally feeling satisfied with my level of muscularity, i'm not too
big but i'm more muscular than I ever have been.
It really does take a few years of good training to refine and
shape. I'm also older,
which helps with the maturity of the muscles. Need
to begin to look into bikinis and order my heels. Also need to order workout clothes and shoes for the course.
I think I want a blue or yellow bikini. Sunday
March 19, 2000 I
ran and did sprints/bleachers this morning, now i'm heading up to the
gym to do a back workout. I
get a massage this afternoon too! I'm
doing weights today b/c I'm planning on not lifting tomorrow, since my
schedule is hectic. It pays
off to plan ahead of time. Gotta
do the work! Ordered
Hotskins workout clothes yesterday.
Got tights for the obstacle course, as well as some tops and
shorts. I
made Monica Brant's famous high-protein pancakes this morning and they
were good! That's a recipe
i'll keep! The
urge to binge isn't as strong as i'm progressing. I see how well i'm doing and want to eat clean.
Also, eating 2 1/2 seems to be my special formula for getting
leaner and feeling good. Sunday
again... I
just had kinda a revelation, not really a revelation, but a
realization...that I actually enjoy all this planning and scheduling and
the structured life of training for competition.
Most people would find it constricting and say it is too
compulsive and whatever, but I feel that in reality, too many people
make excuses and don't realize how much better they might feel if they
had more structure in their lives.
I feel empowered - my life is my own.
I make my own rules, decide for myself, and am in charge of
myself. I know that if I
was married right now, it might not be as easy, but that's an excuse of
many women I hear day in and day out.
If you want something bad enough, you'll go for it, and you might
as well go for it 100% or not do it at all.
I'm sick and tired of excuses, from myself and from other people. What i've learned to do, though, is use my excuses and turn
them into action, and ignore the excuses of others. I
feel lucky to have a goal that i'm working towards. It seems that most people just get up every day without
direction, and they just go to work or whatever they do and don't enjoy
it. It's just routine.
Why should it be like this?
I want to make something of my life and challenge myself, and get
somewhere. You never get
anywhere just doing the same things... "Never
put off tomorrow, what you can get done today", are my latest words
to live by. Time doesn't
wait for anyone, it keeps going and going, and it's up to us to make the
most of each moment. Meals
are a priority, just as workouts are.
Never miss one! This
is making a difference. Finally
I feel i'm getting some results, and it's about time!
It's paying off! This
is going to be my year! :) When
people look at me, they see someone who is in shape, but striving for
something more. I'm often
asked "why do you want to workout more/get leaner...you're already
0% bodyfat"... Well,
for the normal person, I’m more in shape than the average, and that's
fine, but for my standards & the competition, well...it's not
enough...yet! My
answer to the people who ask me why I want to do more is often one of a
humble laugh and thanks...I don't know what to say, honestly, because I
know how hard I work to stay in the shape I am in, and when I let myself
slip a little bit, it takes hard work to see improvements.
I don't know if people realize just how hard I work...I don't
think I realize it myself...it's about time that I pat myself on the
back for all the hard work and dedication I put forth, I don't give
myself enough credit for what I do.
Monday
3/20/00 Today
was tiring! I did cardio at
5:10 am, trained clients from 6-9:30, then got to take a shower, and had
2 more clients, then another at 2:30.
I took a nap at 3:45! I
was tired, and just wanted to lay down! I've
eaten pretty much every 2 hours. I
think it makes me more hungry to eat this often, but i'm not eating huge
meals, so it works out fine. I
did cardio and legs at 5 pm. Good
cardio! Did 30 min on the
freeclimber and 10 on the upright bike.
I don't have to have something to read when I do cardio, i'm more
focused, as long as I have my minidisc player!
Gotta have the music! Wore
along sleeve shirt for 30 min, then I worked out for part of the time
without a shirt on, just shorts and sports bra, and felt pretty good
about it. My lower back is
leaning up. My abs are
getting more defined, the line down the center is coming in, and they
aren't as thick. I can't
pinch as much! whoopee!
:) A
few little binge slip-ups but no big deal.
I have had a headache all day and don't like it, it's been going
on for a while...I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm going to bed around 9 pm and getting up to do cardio early,
even though I don't have any early morning clients.
Gotta stay on the routine! Looking
at bikinis, i'm thinking bright blue or yellow, something to make my tan
look good! Blue makes my
eyes look bluer. Got
the hotel info from Galaxy today in the mail.
Gotta make the reservations tomorrow! Tuesday
3/21/00 Did
my AM cardio intense and felt great!
Meals every 2 hours today. Lifted
at 11:00 this morning, shoulders, chest and calves.
Good workouts! Intense and not too much in-between set resting!
Dips are getting easier, I can do 9-10 max!
Right now i'm grilling chicken breasts to have on hand.
Another nice compliment about my progess today, from one of my
clients. She said i'm "looking buff"! It makes me feel great to hear things like that because i'm
so hard on myself. I'm
doing cardio #2 at 4:30, then Myssi is working on my knee at 5:30.
Tuesday
again... I
did my second cardio workout and then got a massage on my legs.
My left leg was about 1/4 inch longer than the right!
After some work, it stretched the right leg out and loosened up
things. It felt great! I
came home and had a nice salad (and a little dessert). Wednesday
3/22/00 Just
got home from training back and biceps.
Not too bad a workout, got it done quick without wasting time,
and it was intense. Just
have to do cardio tonite at 6:30, after I train Myssi.
Wednesday
again... I
had an awesome cardio workout tonite!
40 minutes and I was drenched, even wearing a tank top!
I started taking the Tricana today, and I took a Pure Power at
3:00, so my energy was up big time!
Didn't wrap my knee, either, and it felt ok!
I feel like I have good support from people at the gym.
Sharon and Tom are good about encouraging me, which is neat.
I'm lucky to have neat people in my life! :) I feel grateful to have a better support system than I've had
before. First of all, I am
so much more confident in who I am now, and that makes a big difference.
I am training for this competition because I want to do it for
myself, to prove to myself that I can be my best.
I love the focus and I want to compete.
I'm not training because I’m trying to impress anyone.
I have always wanted to compete in this type of competition, and
I know that if I don't, I’ll always wonder what might have happened if
I had. I don't want to go
on living with "what ifs" and regrets.
You never know unless you give it a go!
Thursday
3/23/00 Well,
today has been ok, except that I weighed myself at the gym, and I’m
still at 137. For one, I
knew I shouldn't weigh myself. It
bums me out. Secondly,
I’ve never weighed this much, I don't care if it is muscle weight, it
makes me feel huge. Lastly,
I know I’m getting leaner, but there hasn't been weight loss.
I guess that's good b/c it means it's fat I’m losing, but I
expected to see a difference. I
feel big. I feel like I’m
working my butt off and nothing is happening.
I hate this negativity sinking in!
I refuse to let it get back into my life like it has always
before. Thursday
again... Had
a good PM cardio workout, did 20 min of treadmill, with intervals, and
20 min on the Star Trac climber. Wrapped
my ham. Stretched well
afterwards. I'm a little
leery of the tricana, from what I’ve been researching, some have found
it can shut the thyroid down temporarily.
Still need to research though.
I’m
working towards my goals, and if that's selfish, well, I guess I’m
guilty. I'm so much more
into what I’m doing...not worried about what other people are doing.
I'm not sitting back and wondering or feeling bad for not doing
what others are out doing...I’m going for what I want! Friday
3/24/00 I'm
glad it's Friday. I had
some good workouts today! I
only had to work from 7:30-9:30 this morning, so I had time to eat and
workout when I wanted to. Cardio
is a piece of cake, and I work harder lately.
I'm going to start doing higher reps on my weights, keeping the
first exercise heavy for strength.
I want to lose some muscle size, just a little.
I want to look proportionate and feminine!
The line down my abs is coming in, and the definition on my outer
thighs is more noticeable. The
skin on my abs is thinner too! One
thing I know I’m guilty of, and I try to deny it, is that I cheat on
my eating and don't account for it, usually.
I'm aware of when I eat little stuff and don't write it down in
my log. Then, I wonder why
I’m not losing weight...well...hmm...I wonder why!
From now on, I’m going to be honest with myself, because I’m
only cheating myself. I
bust my butt with workouts and everything; there is no need to screw it
up by eating messily. Stick
to the plan! I've
planned out my dieting/cardio schedule for the weeks ahead.
At 8 weeks out, which is in 2 weeks, I’m dropping calories to
1500 and starting the low-carb cycling.
I'll also bump cardio up to 45 min each time.
Then, at 3 weeks out, I'll drop calories to 1200 and do 1 hour of
cardio each time. I don't want to let my body become accustomed to doing a
certain amount of cardio, but I think that doing cardio so much
year-round has made it harder to get leaner.
After
the competitions are over, I'm going to drop cardio to 4 days a week or
so, so that when it's time to lean up again, it'll be easier.
I'm just so afraid of gaining fat!
I need to just be better with my eating, not starve myself, but
be honest with what I really do need and not be a pig!
Saturday
3/25/00 Just
got home from lifting back and abs.
I did reverse chins first, then heavy close pulldowns, then low
pulley rope rows and cable pullovers, high reps.
Abs I did 4 times a superset of decline rollups and the slanted
crunch bench with high handles. Didn't
rest too much. I was
finding myself trying to get distracted, but I was able to focus back on
the tasks at hand and get done, despite talking to several people.
Intensity was there and I feel good because I’m looking leaner,
especially my legs. I'm
making sure to have better posture at all times, and when I workout,
both with weights and cardio, I stand up taller and don't let my stomach
pooch out. My
research on ketogenic diets has made me think of questions, and I don't
know who to ask. I'm
wondering if such an extreme diet is necessary for my purposes.
If I just cut out all starches and take in more flax oil, I’m
sure that will make a difference. I
want to keep Friday nights and Saturdays as my "carb days",
because I treat myself with Bless Your Heart yogurt (and Oreos on top)! I'm a lot more structured with my diet right now, and I don't
mind eating the same things day in and day out, which is a definite plus
in this field! "If the present course of
direction your diet is taking you is stagnant or, worse…ineffective,
take action. Don’t accept failure as an option. The answer is out
there and it’s just waiting to be discovered. FIND IT!" - Darby
Hart, Ms. Fitness World Saturday
again... Well,
at work this afternoon I was a little on edge, but I’m ok now.
I think I just needed to be alone.
"What's in it for me?"
That tends to be my motto lately, a selfish way of thinking.
I need to stay in control and not let dieting and pressure give
me an excuse to treat other people rudely.
I can get snappy and grouchy, and there simply is no excuse for
me to act this way. I need
to stay positive and maintain a strong outlook on things, because being
crabby is negative and defeats my purpose! Sunday
3/26/00 Last
night I was lonely and bored, so I was in snacking mood.
My brother is home already!
I'm getting ready to go do sprints and run with a friend from the
gym. When I’m training
alone, it's easier to focus on what I’m doing.
It will be nice to have someone there, not as lonely, but
sometimes you don't get as good a workout.
Anyhow, I’m sure it will go fine!
Monday I’m going to start watching the carbs - cycle low-carb
for a few days with moderate and higher levels.
We'll see how that works! Sunday
again... Boy
was I worryin' about nothing! Running
was GREAT!!! I had an
awesome workout, and we talked and it was fun! :)
We jogged 2 laps to warm up, then stretched, then sprinted 2
400's (walked after each). Those
400's were killers! My
second one was a 1:18. After
those, we did full-out 100's 3 times, walking back after each.
We walked a lap when we were done.
The whole thing took about 40 min, and it felt great!
My left ham felt all right, I had wrapped it. The lactic acid buildup was a good feeling!
We're going to run together on Saturdays and Sundays from now on.
I
get a massage at 2:00. Today
I’m not going to be nuts about no carbs, that will start tomorrow.
I think tomorrow I’ll go with 50 grams to see what happens,
keep that for 3 days, go up to 75 for 2 days, and do 1 day of 100.
Starting
tomorrow, 3/26/00: M-W
= 50g, Th-F
= 75g, S
= 100g, Sn-T
= 50g, W-Th
= 75g, F=
100g, etc. Monday
3/27/00 Low
carb day #1. Just got home
from morning cardio, it's 6:30 am.
Didn't want to get up this morning but did and I feel good.
Didn't wrap my knee to workout.
It has been good with the low carb, and it's almost 2 pm!
Keeping busy and having Andrew here helps, because I don't get
bored and want to snack. We're
going to do legs this afternoon, I think.
My carb goal is 50 grams today.
I feel pretty good. At
lunch we got BBQ and I had chicken, which was at least 6 ounces of meat.
I sponged the little bit of grease off of it (from the skin I
took off) with napkins and ate it with mustard!
Yummy! :) Monday
again... All
in all, it was pretty ok doing low carb today, I just ate a little
chocolate chip cookie at dad's tonite cause I was starving and it was
there...I think my carbs were probably just over 50 grams, not bad at
all! About 1500 calories.
I need to keep my calories up a little more, though.
I'm going to bed soon, it's about 9:15; have to get up and at 'em
again tomorrow morning! Tuesday
3/28/00 Legs
are really tight today. I
did 20 min on the tread this morning, followed by 10 on the stairclimber
and 10 on the bike. I need
to stretch. I get them
massaged tonite. Today i'm
low-carbing at 50 grams again. I
plan on lifting shoulders and chest today, probably at 9:30 this morning
so I'll have more time with Andrew this afternoon.
Tuesday
again... Well,
the low carb mindset is making me cranky.
I jumped all over someone at work about being fair with client
referrals, and made assumptions, and felt awful.
I apologized and it's ok, but I hate feeling cranky. I need to just ignore the low-carb thinking, feeling
deprived, because it's my choice to do it, and I need to just accept it
as a temporary thing, and try my best to be myself! Tuesday
again... Gettin'
ready to go to bed, it's 9 pm. Myssi
worked on my leg at 8, it was really tight.
I was dead this afternoon, didn't do pm cardio.
Listened to my body. Today
I feel stressed and want to cry. My
perception makes me feel defeated and not good enough.
I'm stressing out about things and not reaching my goals.
I know i'm going to be in the best shape for competing, I just
don't know how much is enough. I
always have to exceed my limits set before.
When I do well, I never pat myself on the back and recognize it,
I just go on and do more next time.
I don't know just what is good enough.
Anyhow, the low carb deal is all right, I’m not craving carbs
too much, and I don't have any binge trigger carb foods in my house, so
it's ok. I'm eating so
often that I’m not starving, and I’m getting in less calories than I
have been when I was eating more carbs, so that will make a difference
too. I kinda ate perhaps
too many cashews later today after we went to Sam's, but that's all
right, I figured them into my calorie/carb total for the day.
I ate about 65 grams of carbs today.
Tomorrow is day #3 of 50 gram goal.
I'm going to bed now. I
don't even feel like checking email.
I'm just bummed out. Wednesday
3/29/00 All
in all, it's been a good day so far.
I did 30 min this morning of cardio, very intense. Could have done 40 but it was 6 am and a client was supposed
to be there. Anyhow, I’ll
do more cardio tonite. Low
carb has been easy today. I
don't really mind it. I've
been in a better mood today too. Lifted
back and abs this morning, instead of coming home to shower.
I showered at 1 pm! Sometimes
even a shower is a luxury! Workout
was good and intense, hit some rear delts too.
Did higher reps on the exercises other than pullups and close
pulldowns. The low carbs
are kinda affecting my energy levels, but not too drastically.
I really do believe that when I eat carbs, I don't realize just
how many calories I take in, because I’ll go back for more and not
count them up. This really
does add up after a while. Wednesday
again... Oh
my gosh, my sprint/running workout tonite was killer! I trained by myself, and was focused and got a great workout.
The main thing was that I felt so fatigued and my legs were
literally shaking when I was done.
I think a lot has to do with the absence of carbs.
I mean, the pain was different.
I didn't feel like this on Sunday.
Anyhow, I stretched, probably should have more, but I made sure
to keep moving so the lactic acid didn't build up too much.
Quads, hams, calves, and shins were sore and still are.
I hope I’m not really sore tomorrow.
No running tomorrow, that's for sure!
I ran in my Nike air max plus’, which I usually don't wear when
I run b/c they don't flex enough. I
don't think that was the reason I felt the way I did after the workout,
though. I felt like I did
after my Ms. Fitness competition, when I literally had to pick eachleg
up to get it into the car! It's
like my joints were shot! Well,
I’m going to bed now, had dinner with Dad and Andrew, and tomorrow is
a 75 gram carb day. Wonder
if I should just keep it at 50 for weekdays, and then go higher on
weekends as a treat. I might consider that this week, since Andrew is home and we
just might have to get frozen yogurt for old times sake! :)
Thursday
3/30/00 It's
almost 7 am. I did cardio
this morning, and can tell I’m carb depleted because it wasn't as easy
as it usually is. I did 20
on the freeclimber and 20 on the upright bike.
Didn't wear my wrap. I
think with carbs today, I’ll stay within the 50-75 range, and allow a
little splurge tomorrow night. I
can tell that my body needs carbs right now.
I feel drained and my body is tired.
I'm also more aware that timing is very important, and I should
plan my meals around my workouts and what I’m going to be doing for
the next couple of hours. It
all comes down to having a plan! I've
started planning the day's meals ahead of time, which is kinda helpful
with staying on track. Friday
3/31/00 I
worked a ton today! It went
fine though, and I did am cardio and some weights later in the morning.
I am tired and my body is tired too.
No PM cardio. My inner side of my left ham is really sore.
This morning for the second half of my cardio, I used the Star
Trac upright bike and did interval training, which made me sweat!
I am eating more carbs today, we are getting frozen yogurt again.
J
YUM! Made
the hotel reservations for Florida.
Tried to order a bikini but it was out of stock, darn it!
I am mad! I
can't help but feel fat more often than none lately, as if I already
didn't feel that way enough. I
am so scared of not getting lean enough, although they aren't looking
for a ripped physique. I
have this fear of not being ready.
I am 9 weeks out. Saturday
4/1/00 Did
AM cardio this morning, starting with 20 min of intervals on the upright
bike, then 20 min on the freeclimber.
Felt good! Now I am
tired as hell. It hits me
in the afternoon on Saturdays. Legs
feel all right. It's cold
outside. L
Haven't eaten as scheduled today, but not starving.
Was
tired as hell this afternoon. So
was Andrew! We were both
“zombie-fied”! Seems
like I just go and go and then finally crash cause I'm so tired! Sunday
4/2/00 I
went running this morning by myself.
Did some sprints and made sure to stretch extra-good!
My left ham really hurt so I iced it when I got home.
Easy on the carbs today. It
worries me that my body hurts so much, despite the massages.
I need to make time for stretching every day.
The low carbs controls my hunger but I’m worried about energy
levels. I am paying better
attention to my body and what it needs. I'm
looking for a bikini. The
one I wanted out of the Venus catalog was on backorder. Sunday
again... Got
a long massage! Took an
Epsom salt bath. Really
worked on my back and legs. I
was relaxed! What a rarity
– relaxation! Monday
4/3/00 Today
has been a busy one, but not too bad!
My early client cancelled this morning.
I did 45 min of cardio, had clients from 7:30-10:30, then got to
shower. I have a new
regular client, who I consulted at 1:00, then trained another.
At
3:45 I trained chest and back, doing supersets. Started with reverse chins/dips, resting 30 sec between each,
and 1 1/2 min between supersets. I
worked out intensely for 28 min, then did 30 min of cardio (20 on
upright bike, 10 on stairstep). I
also did abs. I was told I
am looking more cut up, from a guy I haven't seen in a month.
That made me feel good and I thanked him.
I got a salad with egg whites and turkey for dinner, with a
little dessert, which I ate right when I got home, since it's carbs
(crushed oreos and this whipped stuff…).
I'm going to eat the salad soon since I’m hungry and it's been
almost 4 hours since I last ate! My
workout plan for the week: M
- Cardio 45 am; back/chest/abs & 30 min cardio pm T
- Cardio 45 am; legs and running pm W
- Cardio 45 am; back/chest/abs & 30-45 min cardio pm Th
- Cardio 45 am; legs and running pm;
massage later in evening F
- Cardio 45 min am; back/chest/abs & 30-45 min cardio pm S
- Cardio? (should rest) Sn
- Running; massage later I
can tell that my abs are coming out more.
My leg really has gotten me worried.
I'm scared to death of hurting myself and having to quit.
I know how frustrating that is.
I want to do some hill sprints.
What I’m finding is that I can tell how far to push it without
hurting myself. It's
knowing when to stop that makes the difference - it's being smart!
Going to bed now. Early bird gets the worm, nasty as that sounds, it's true! :) Tuesday
4/4/00 Today
I did something different - I ran from the gym to the United Spirit
Arena, did 6 sets of stair runs (up and down 3x each set), some sprints
on the ramps, and ran back. Took
me 37:50, then I rode the recumbent for 10 to cool down and stretched. Felt great! Surprised
me how easy it was! I don't
hurt and my legs are still functioning!
:) Ordered
a yellow Venus bikini today, and it's not going to be here till mid-may!
Yikes! Makes me
nervous! I'm going to have
to buy a backup bikini just in case it doesn't get here in time for the
competition! Carbs
are going good today, not binging; I’m trying to make sure I eat
enough so that later on in the day I’m not wanting to binge.
Usually I’m bored or lonely and that's when it happens.
I've eaten about 37 grams today, with the goal of 50-60 total.
I
plan on doing legs tonite, after I talk to a client. Just some extensions, deadlifts, etc… Nothing too heavy, plus some good stretching…
One
thing I’ve noticed that's different for me this year, in training for
the competition, is that I feel so much more sure of myself.
I'm not feeling like I’m wandering blind towards the deadline.
I know what to do, and I feel a lot better about myself.
Still, though, I’m feeling more restrictive, and that has to do
with the dieting mentality. In
a way, I feel glad to have been anorexic b/c it gives me an edge with
dieting, as crazy as that sounds. I
worry that I can tend to slip back into old ways of thinking and habits,
and I’m not held accountable by anyone b/c I don't usually acknowledge
the problem myself. I keep
it to myself. I won’t let
it beat me, though! Wednesday
4/5/00 Today
has gone well. I got a lot
of errands run, and trained from 7:30-9:30, Amy cancelled for noon, and
I trained Myssi at 5:30. Cardio
this morning for 45 minutes, 25 of it on the stairclimber, 20 on bike. I had a very good and intense push/pull chest and back
workout in the afternoon. I've
eaten well today, mostly protein bars b/c I was on the go all day, but
that's ok. I prefer to eat
“real food” cause my body processes it a lot better than protein
bars. Had
a salad at Zookini's. Anyhow,
didn't do a second cardio workout today b/c my left leg was hurting more
than I want it to. Figured
it's better to rest it and be smart than risk injury!
I'm
finding that eating a little more fat is helping me shed bodyfat
faster… I'm
going to bed now...did some researching online for personal training
studios, but I’ll have to do most of it this weekend when I have more
time. Still going to get up
early to workout even though client #1 is at 9:30 am.
Gotta maintain the routine!
Thursday
4/6/00 Had
a good cardio workout this morning at 6:15.
I just ate breakfast, some chicken, turkey breast, and cottage
cheese with flax oil. I
feel feebler today; I could tell when I woke up.
The low carb thing, but it's ok!
My abs are showing more! :) I feel drained today and don't feel the best about having to
be in a good mood, but my clients depend on that and I have to give them
my best! This
afternoon I plan on running again, perhaps like I did Tuesday, or at the
track. Depends on how I
feel and if I feel like doing it after work.
I get a massage on my legs at 8:15 tonite.
That will be great right before bed! Thursday
again... I
did my "run to the arena and run stairs/sprints, run back"
workout this afternoon. It
was about 80 degrees or so, sunny, and I didn't sweat really until I got
back to the gym and was on the bike for 10 min to cool down.
I was sweating buckets! Felt
great and my leg didn't hurt. I've
had a good day today. I was
a little foggy this morning and didn't think I’d be so cheery, but it
lifted as soon as I started training my client, and she was giving me a
hard time, so I had to stay on my toes! :)
Thank goodness for my great clients!
So
far I’ve had about 1000 calories.
I had eaten about 750 total by 3:15, and ate 2 chicken breasts at
5:00. I'm going to eat a
good salad in a little bit, and then get my massage! Friday
4/7/00 45
minutes of cardio this morning, I’m in a pretty good mood!
Glad today is Friday! Noticed
more definition in my calves and hams today!
I have 2 more clients this afternoon, and then I’m going to
workout. Tonite I get to
have frozen yogurt! :) It's
been a long day/week. A
good one nonetheless! Had
a great leg workout this afternoon, incorporated some jump rope
intervals. I was dead tired
and my body felt depleted, but I toughed it out and felt great!
Stretched well at the end, too!
Tomorrow I plan on doing push/pull upper body, maybe a little
cardio, but we'll see. Gotta
baby the hamstring! I had a
salad for dinner, and frozen yogurt with not too many oreo pieces on it
2 hours later. I had the
munchies later, so I had a few pecans and some beef jerky with ff cream
cheese (yum!). The strange
things that I eat… As
I have mentioned before, I am grateful for Tom and Sharon.
Tom made me feel good this afternoon at the gym and encouraged me
to workout when I was feeling tired.
He took some pics of me training Margie and then deadlifting, b/c
he's going to post them on a wall in the gym to showcase employees and
member successes. I told
him that I'll have some professional pictures up there soon, where my
abs will be so cut that I’ll be able to clean between 'em with a
q-tip! hehe I'm going to
bed now! Saturday
4/8/00 I'm
not in the best mood today. I
went to the mall and tried on shorts, to find that a size larger than I
usually wear was too tight in the butt!
I am bummed. I hate
feeling like this. Even when I was 112 pounds and smaller, I thought I
was fat. I think I will
always think this way. Will
I ever win at this? I'm not
going to let it defeat me. I
just wish I could try on clothes without feeling panicky. I mean, in the dressing room it was hot and I felt like a
panic attack was coming on! I
don't like that. I don’t
like it when my mind gets the best of me… Saturday
again... It's
so hard to talk most of the time, me and my not wanting to give other
people my problems to think about. In
my head, self-defeat is so powerful sometimes.
It's as if I can't win. I'm
not fat but I am...I'm not good enough but I am...I'm not pretty enough
but I am...etc. I swing
from one extreme to the other. Like
this morning when I was working out, I thought I looked pretty good in
the mirror, my arms and legs are more cut.
Then, I go to try on shorts and I feel fat, and I SEE fat.
It's like I have blinders on.
I can't see the truth. Sunday
4/9/00 Today
has been so-so. I had a
good sprint workout this morning, Mark wasn't there, I don't know where
he was! Anyhow, my legs
didn't hurt afterwards. I
trained a client and got a massage.
I am feeling very frustrated with my body and weight gain over
the past year, and can't figure it out to save my life why I’ve gained
weight so much. I feel huge
and it's such a negative hope-dasher.
I mean, I'm worried I won't get lean enough to compete. I feel that something is wrong with my body.
I'm not fat, I’m more muscular, but I've never weighed what I
currently weigh before! I
should have never weighed myself a few weeks ago.
I mean, perhaps something really is wrong.
It sounds awful, but I know myself too well...I used to do
anything to lose weight, Now with my deadline, I'm almost in a panic!
I bust my butt working out, and never have had to workout so much
to stay lean. Will I ever
be satisfied. Argh.
I think too much. When
I’m alone, all I do is think and get more frustrated. It's not healthy. I'm
needing to go to bed now, but I’m not ready to...too much thinking
going on inside my head, it's like I can't slow down.
My body takes the abuse and right now I’m scared to do more
because of my leg. I can't
push the way I used to. I
still sometimes see exercise as punishment.
For what, I don't know. Perhaps
for seeing myself as fat? I
honestly do think that I’m fat right now.
I don't have much fat on my body, but I feel as big as a house.
Not a good way to feel. I
want closure to my negative body image crap.
I'm sick of this. That's
what it is...crap! I want
it out of my life for good. No
more. I want to have a
life, not to be constantly controlled by how I feel about my body.
I don't have any fun anymore.
That's no way to live. Monday
4/10/00 Today
has gotten off to a great start! I've
already trained 5 people, and was in a great mood, and did 45 min of
cardio before work! I'm
going to still incorporate the upright bike in my cardio workouts, but
do a little more on stairclimber b/c it burns more calories.
I’ve got plans set for the week, and it feels good to get
things done! Right
now i'm trying to find 4" heels so I can order them!
I have my 5” ones from Ms. Fitness, but they are SO HIGH!
I feel like I'm on stilts! I'll
probably decide to wear them anyways… I'm
vowing to keep a positive attitude about everything today, and a level
head. I'm moodier.
I need to just chill most of the time.
I'm learning day by day. It
takes time and I get impatient. Monday
again... I
just got in from the gym. Did
a short triceps workout and 45 minutes more of cardio.
I'm not feeling all that great about things today.
It's been on my mind all day.
I have to stay positive but it's so hard.
I'm
going to eat my salad now. Got
a little dessert too, might save it for tomorrow to eat during the day
though. I feel restrictive
and needing to control today. Tuesday
4/11/00 Today
has been better than yesterday. Cardio
this morning was a little harder, my legs felt tired. Still did 45 min! Didn't
have any clients till 9:00, so I did cardio at 6 am and then came home
to eat turkey, cottage cheese, flax oil, and tofu cheese. YUM! Anyhow,
eating's been good today. Not
too hungry between meals. I
just get fidgety and want to eat something out of boredom.
Sent
the tops back to Hotskins that I ordered.
They were too big! L
Wish I could fill out a large… Did
legs and then more cardio this afternoon.
Wasn't wanting to, but I got started and felt better after a few
minutes. The fuzz wore off
and I had energy, and I hadn't eaten since 2 pm, worked out at 3:45, and
then didn't eat anything till 5:30 when I had some ostrich jerky, then
dinner at 6:45 which was a salad. It's
been raining, so I didn't get to run outside, so I did treadmill after
my leg workout and incorporated sprints into it.
Felt good and stretched afterwards. Here's
a friend's words for the day, from an email...kinda good! "Eliminate
all that is unnecessary and doesn't contribute positively to your
life." Anyhow,
I’m tired already, it's 9 pm. Hope
I can crash tonite instead of not being able to like I have for the past
couple of days. My brain
finally feels tired. My
attitude's been better today too. I'm
deciding to just focus on my stuff, and let God take care of me.
I don't live my life worrying about what others are doing, and
getting in their business. I
do what's right for me, for my survival, for me to get ahead, without
hurting other people or my reputation.
I will be positive and friendly and make each day worthwhile.
I will surround myself with positive people who support me and
with whom I have a mutually beneficial relationship.
If the process of reaching my goal isn't enjoyable, then the goal
isn't worth it. I will make
the best of each day! Thursday
4/13/00 I
was busy all day yesterday and didn't do my entry for the day, so I’m
including it in today's! Yesterday
I did my am cardio, trained from 6-10:30, came home, showered, trained
from 12-2, lifted, then trained 2 more from 4:30-6:30 and did more
weights after that. I came
home and ate a salad and was DEAD!
During the day I had a headache all day, and it was my left
trap/neck that was all tight, so Myssi worked on it later.
I had to take some aspirin throughout the day.
I also feel kinda lightheaded.
I
got some good sleep and got to sleep in till 5:30 this morning cause I
don't have any am clients. I
did my cardio for 45 minutes. I
didn't wrap my hamstring when I did cardio this morning b/c I was still
asleep and forgot. It felt
ok. We'll see how it feels
later on. I'm
hungry right now and I think I’m going to resort to a chicken breast
and tofu cheese, cottage cheese and flax oil, and a little fiber one for
breakfast! Drinking coffee! I'm
so glad it's almost Friday. I'm
so tired this week. Stress
stinks. Sharon
told me this morning that she wants me to focus on being positive today,
and stepping outside of the situation and realizing that God has a plan
for me. It is calming to
realize this. I'm a
high-strung person, and it takes a lot to calm me down sometimes when
I’m stressed out, but as long as I realize this, it will definitely
help! As I've told people,
you don't plan to fail, you fail to plan. I have a plan...therefore, the outcome will be anything but
failure because I will learn from the outcome and use it as a positive
experience! That is
maturity! :) Thursday
again... Today
has been a good one! I went
to the doc this morning and she was nice - easy to talk to and I
explained it all to her. I
am having bloodwork done for thyroid, diabetes, and anemia.
I was nervous and fidgety beforehand but felt good afterwards.
Had
a slump in the early afternoon, trained Margie, and we both weren't into
it as we usually are. She
had some things on her mind that were bugging her.
I let her talk and it helped her get things out.
I went running after we got done, at the park. Jogged 1.5 miles (2 laps), then did intervals for another 2
laps, and it felt great! It
was about 80 degrees and sunny. Then
I came back to the gym and did some legs and good stretching.
I was in a great mood afterwards!
I ate a salad for dinner at 6:00.
Myssi worked on my legs at 7:15 for about an hour and 15 minutes,
which felt good too! My
flexibility has improved b/c of the massages!
My quads and calves were most tight today.
Ham hasn't really hurt much; most of it is due to just overdoing
it and not stretching. Solving
the problem! Someone said
my quads look bigger and more pronounced, which means I’m getting more
shape, and my waist looks smaller.
Praise the Lord! :) I'm
going to eat some jerky now and go to bed! Friday
4/14/00 Eating
lunch, 2 salmon burgers (actually quite good), and sitting at the
computer at the same time. Pretty
tasty! Tofu cheese too, of
course! I feel good today;
I’m in a good mood. Early
afternoon slump is what gets me, so I’m going to try to either just
relax here at home till I go back to train my client at 3:00, or take a
nap if I need to. I have
errands to run also. I
did 45 minutes of cardio this morning.
My legs were tired! I'm
finding it easier to get out of bed and get up in the mornings.
I got up to the gym at 5:10 this morning!
Not as groggy and sluggish in the morning, I just get up and wash
my face and I’m ready. Anyhow,
my legs aren't too sore today. Inner
thigh on right side is a little, but that's fine, as long as it's not
joint pain! Just
called a new client. She
had called and left a voice mail last night so I called and left a
message for her. I
feel like my arms are getting more cut.
Friday
again... Saturday
4/15/00 Today has gone well, i've felt queasy though. Got up and ran at the park, 4 laps with intervals, before breakfast. Did calves and abs too. Trained dad and I’ve felt crummy since. My back hurts. I'm going to a movie in a little while. I've eaten about 1200 calories today, including the salad I just had for dinner. I feel kinda spaced out today. Not in the best mood because I’m not myself. Don’t feel well.
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